Rogue Community Social Media Challenge

Blog Post Idea:

Tell a story of something that has happened to you that illustrates a contradiction to some myths of being an artist.

There was a stretch of time where I forgot all about art.  It may even have been a stretch of years, where no thought at all was about creating anything.  

When I woke up from this, it was very strange.  I could feel the distance from who I was.  I felt a hint of fear, and then sadness when I became aware of how I could lose myself like that.  And I know that losing who I truly am would be of no value to anyone.  I would have lived for nothing.

I had allowed the world around me to tell me what to do and how to live, and forget about what I actually desired and enjoyed.  All the facts, fears, and myths of the world I allowed to rule over my choices.  

Part of me wanted to see if they were true.  To be fair, I had my own set of doubtful beliefs. So, I made a conscious decision to let go of my desires and see this through.

I remember being on this path of decision, and I had made a deal with myself that if I could make a go at what everyone else was telling me and I succeeded, then I'd know that they were right.  I’d know that I was right to doubt that I could make anything of what I enjoyed. So, I committed.  

It was a struggle to just be a worker bee, but surprisingly and eventually I forgot.  I don’t know for how long but it felt like a long time.  I lived and had what the world advised for me. To just be like everyone else.  I let go of myself, my dreams and desires.

When I decided to follow along, I had no fear of letting go because I had a deeper belief that my dreams and desires will always be with me. That they are a part of who I am, and that I will always have time.  I had no fear of taking on the world in this way because ultimately, I had a deeper core belief in what I could do.

When I woke up and realized that I had truly forgotten, I was shook.  I decided  that I had given it enough time and effort.  I went out to see if the world was correct by letting go of who I am.  

I didn’t find complete and ultimate happiness in having doubts about my abilities.  Imagine that.  Isn’t that funny? It would seem like an obvious conclusion to come to without spending any part of life on it.  But at the time, my doubts were louder than my faith in my desires.  I really didn’t know how to create the life I wanted.

Now that I have grown some, I fully understand that I don’t have a choice but to go for my innermost desires.  I don’t actually have a choice but to pursue happiness, in order to be fulfilled.  It is what saves me.  I am designed to be one with my desires and to be a witness to its creation.  

Any other path is missing the mark (Hebrew meaning for Sin) and will feel like hell.  I’m not religious but this stuff makes sense when understood from a certain point of view.  I believe that my purpose is to believe and be one with my innermost desires.  I know where they come from.  Yup, I’ve been on the quest of understanding how life works.

I created a perfectly normal enough life.  A good paying and easy job, an active and fun family, but just not doing exactly what I’d rather be doing.  I almost had no excuses not to be happy, but there I was, feeling a bit too empty and unsatisfied.

I also noticed that I could easily accomplish anything I put my mind to, especially with competitions that I desired.  I created all of that.  Slowly I was seeing that I was creating fun in what I wanted, when I focused and believed in what I could do.

I concluded that if I can create a life that I didn’t fully and completely love, semi-based on my doubts, then I can just as easily (or just as hard) create the life that I do want based on having faith in myself. 

When I woke up from this doubtful dream (that I now see I had clearly created for myself), I decided that I was done.  I had set out to see if living with doubts would lead me to a fulfilled life, and omg, how obvious that this would be wrong.  

I mean, it’s super silly to look at it now but it is what it is.  I did it, created it, I lived it.  I chose to go off the path of faith in myself due to focusing more on my doubts rather than pursuing what I would love to have.

It was time to create and have faith in the dream of me, of the things I actually want. I have more to offer the world than feed into fears and doubt.  It’s a work in progress but I decided right then and there that I had truly given the other side of the coin a fair shot.  I had completely forgotten and let go, and I had had enough.  

It was now time for me to listen to that part that had faith in my desires, and stay above all the fears. I now choose to listen to that part of me that has faith in the unseen, the unreasonable, the illogical.  Faith in the vision that goes beyond the limited sight that is the rest of the world.

Through the years, I practiced belief in myself and being a witness to what I can do.  I’ve learned and now know that I can create any dream I desire, and I wanted to listen to me and create my vision from within.  It was time to just be me, creating what I love. 

I’m on that journey of creation right now, and yes, all kinds of mistakes will be made BUT I am a witness to all the great things I’m creating and what I can do.  I can get just as good doing what I love as I would doing what everyone else wants me to do.  

You too can do anything you put your mind to, and create any dream, good or bad.  Keep in mind that all of it is blessed, good or bad, no matter what it looks like right now.  All of it is to lead you to who you truly are.  

All it takes is belief and faith that your desires are already real, already yours, and already here.  A belief that you are already that ideal imagination and act from within that dream.  Watch the universe, the people and situations around you, align with you.  It is all, and always has been, already yours.

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Hebrew word definition: Sin
https://www.ancient-hebrew.org/definition/sin.htm